I think every parent has been here at some point. You've just spent the last hour making dinner. You put a lot of work into making a meal you are hoping your child will like. They come to the table, take one look at the food and say "I don't want that" or "I don't like that" or, a parent's favorite expression "Ewwww".
It can be so hard to hold back responses like "How can you say you don't like it if you've never tried it", "I know you are hungry, you haven't eaten in 2 hours", "You need to sit down and eat at least 10 bites before you can get up from the table". However, when kids hear these responses it builds stress and anxiety around food and eating.
A lot of mealtime behaviors and picky eating challenges can be managed by doing less. Let your child take the reigns and remember that one unsuccessful meal will not impact your child's overall nutrition, but anxiety around food can grow if kids don't feel like they have control.
Although it can feel frustrating and worrisome when a child rejects what is being offered on a regular basis, when we make it a big deal, this tells them that there is something to worry about and that eating is a high-pressure, anxiety-inducing activity.
Alternatively, if we are able to change our mindset and keep a calm demeanor whether they choose to eat what is offered or not, this conveys a message that there is no cause for alarm or stress when mealtime rolls around.
Inviting a child to listen to their own body when it comes to food and mealtime, can support a long-lasting healthy relationship with food.
Does that mean that I should let them have candy and junk food everyday if that's all they want?
Short answer - No. As the adult it's our responsibility to offer nourishing foods and dictate times when certain less nourishing foods might be available or unavailable and our child's job to decide whether they want to eat or not and how much.
How do I get my child to sit at the table?
Don't force it
Instead of saying "come and eat" try calmly letting them know "the food is on the table"
Involve your child in discussion about the food the way you might when going to a new restaurant with your spouse or a friend "I like the fish, but prefer it without the miso sauce. What do you think?" or "I like the sweet potato fries that we made in the oven, but I think I prefer the ones from the restaurant last week because they were more crispy. Which ones do you like better"?
If your child elects to leave the table early or avoid the table all together, try not to give it any attention. Make sure that siblings and other family members don't give it attention and continue on without them.
Avoid getting up to make your picky eater a separate meal if they leave the table when they see non-preferred food presented - this reinforces the idea that the meal you made may not be safe or delicious
Try not to stare or focus your gaze on your child during mealtime. Casually focusing on enjoying your own food will be enough for your child to see that the meal is enjoyable and safe and will allow them to focus on their own meal without eyes following their every move.
My child prefers to graze all day and fills up on snacks before mealtime. How should I address snacks?
It is perfectly okay to set boundaries and limitations surrounding food in the house. It is recommended to limit access to snacks 1.5-2 hours before mealtime to ensure that your child is actually hungry when you are offering a meal.
A child that has unlimited access to snacks throughout the day will satisfy their hunger just enough to fill the need, but may rarely be hungry enough to sit for a meal when offered.
When you do offer a snack, you can have 10-15 minutes when snacks are "open" and then remind your kids that snacks will be "closed" after the indicated window and the next opportunity for food will be at lunch or dinner.
If you find that you are struggling with mealtime behaviors and/or selective eating, try some of these tips to help offer more structure to snack and mealtimes and reduce mealtime pressure and anxiety.
For more direct one-on-one support or consultation reach out to a trained feeding therapist in your local area for help. Early intervention to avoid or reverse mealtime habits is most effective!!