The holidays are such a special time for family and friends to come together and share traditions and foods that offer connection. Although food can be such a comfort and reminder of home, for a child who is a selective eater, unfamiliar foods and smells paired with pressure by other family members can be overhwleming.
Additionally, for the parent of a selective eater, there may be fear of being judged or having to bring separate foods for their child.
Even if you know that comments and concerns from loved ones are well-intended, it can rub salt in an already tender wound.
So how do you navigate these challenges while attending to the needs of your child?
You can speak with the host beforehand or step aside for a quick chat when you arrive to let them know about your child's specific needs and that you appreciate their understanding.
Preparing a dish or baking something with your child that they can show off at the event can help them feel that they participated and contributed to the family meal, even if they don't eat it.
Speaking with your child before the event can help prepare them for what to expect. You can let your child know that they may smell different things when they walk into the home and that smells might be stronger in the kitchen and less apparent in other areas.
You can arm your child with confident language to assert themselves in a respectful way when they come into contact with comments on their eating (e.g. if someone asks you 'why aren't you eating dinner with the rest of the family?' you can say 'My body is telling me that I'm not ready to eat right now' or 'Thank you grandma for making dinner, but I don't think I'm ready to try these foods today')
If your child tends to feel anxious eating in the presence of a lot of people, you can ask the host if your child can eat earlier or later in a small quiet space of the house.
You can also feed your child before the event or bring your child's safe foods from home.
Finally, just remember that one or even a handful of meals will not make or break your child's overall health and nutrition. If they end up eating chips, bread rolls and dessert for the day, it's only one day. Letting go of your own expectations and stress will allow both you and your child to focus on enjoying your time with family and friends.
With that said, if your child presents with more mild food-selectivity, you may be surprised to find that the holidays actually end up being a great opportunity for them to explore new things. If they find themselves distracted by the fun of family and friends and the attention is not focused on them, they may feel safe in adventuring with new foods.